Buffy Reborn
by freakish and dazed
Summary: Gosh, it was 2am when I wrote this, so read with caution! Mainly, it's just me trying to be funny with the whole "is Buffy dead or not" plot. Obviously, she's not cause Sarah still has a couple years on her contract. So, enjoy! Oh and any reviews are appr


Buffy Reborn Buffy Reborn 

Disclaimer: I, Dee, do not own any part of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or anything else mentioned here in this story. I'm not making any money off of it and it's only purpose is for my creative juices to flow further. 

Note: I've been a fan of Buffy since the beginning with the original Buffy movie with Kristy Swanson or whatever her name is. This is not to offend anyone. I'm just a person with a little subsided humor. Thank you for reading and please, no hate mail.

This story begins right after Buffy has fallen to her bloody death on the WB, except this opens on the dreaded UPN. Huh? Okay is anyone confused? Whatever. Obviously, the WB was too cheap to cash out the dough to keep Buffy. Oh and they also moved Roswell, but like anyone remembers that show.

So here we are. Buffy's dead, Giles is spewing out curses in British, Xander and Ania are appalled while sexually charged, and Willow, well, I'm not sure what Willow's doing, but she's shocked! Same old, same old. But don't we still have a problem here? Oh, wait yeah, the lead character's dead and we couldn't possibly have a show named Buffy without a Buffy! Or could we? Why not make Dawn Buffy? Alright, that's settled. Dawn is Buffy! The End, go home now!

"Hey you can't make that whinny little twirp into Buffy!"

Who's there?

"It's me, Joss Whedon!"

Hey Joss! …..Now explain to me again why I just can't kill off Buffy?

"Because I'm God and I say so. That and I'll have hate mail sent to me for the next year or so. People just don't react well to change. I mean look what happened when Angel left!"

Huh? What did happen?

"I sold my soul. Just to keep the show going."

Ooooo, ouch. Okay fine. Wouldn't want you put out a second mortgage on that soul.

So, Dawn's not Buffy. Okay, great now I have to think up an entirely different plot. Man, how does Joss do this every week?

"Oh it's not just me. I also have a team of specialized writers with me, that I got when I sold my soul."

Man, no wonder last season sucked.

"Ha! But you watched it anyways!"

Shut up Malia!

Sorry, Malia's my alter ego, and she's a pain in my ass.

"Aren't you suppose to be focused on the story here?"

Okay, fine, Malia. You little bit@#…..

Back to the story. Giles and Willow are frantic. Now that there is no slayer, that could only mean the destruction of the world. AGAIN. Thankfully, there's always magic and with a little help from the Scooby Gang, they should have Buffy up and running in no time. Either that or make Dawn into Buffy, but wait that's not an option, so never mind. So, Willow and Tara search through the magic books looking for a spell to turn their hair purple, …uh, I mean revive Buffy. While they're busy doing that Dawn suddenly goes off with Spike, and nobody knows why. Ooooo…scandalous. Well, actually she's so guilt stricken cause Buffy busted her ass for something that doesn't even exist, that Dawn (being so independent and irresponsible) goes off to find one of those "bring up the dead" eggs. You know the one she used to try bring back her mom. Don't ask me what it's called. I'm too lazy to look it up. So, you know Spike went along with her, cause he was hoping to score some points with the Buffster when she comes back. Or I don't know. Maybe he developed some moral conscious with that chip of his. Uhhh…no, I don't think so. So, they go off, find the egg….stop off for a slurpy…and head back to the batcave.

Guiles and Willow have no clue what to do. They've considered bringing back Faith, but she's off doing cheers for Bring It On…no wait, wrong gig. I guess they could always get Angel to sit in for Buffy, but highly unlikely since he's got his own show now. That sellout. So, since I'm out of ideas, we'll just have them conger up a spell. Orginal huh? Now that they've done the ritual…Willow having said a bunch of abra cadabra stuff ….let's get a shot of some feet. Ooooo…zombie Buffy feet….Well, Buffy seems to be good as new. Hey, wait a minute. She's missing an arm! Man, I knew these spells were too good to be true. Alright, I guess we have to start from scratch again. Hey wait a minute what's that? It's an email from Buffy! Awww..man. Buffy's in hell and all they have there are factory outlets and Starbucks. Man, how the hell do you expect Buffy to kick ass wearing half price boots that aren't even Gucci? Alright gang! Let's go save Buffy.

"Hey, no need to! Freddie Prinze Jr. already beat you guys to it."

What! How do you know this, Joss?

"Oh, they needed Sarah back to finish filming Scooby Doo."

Um…isn't this whole show fictional? I mean Joss, Buffy went to hell in the show, but Sarah didn't….it's all make believe….make BELIEVE…

"Huh, that's what you think. Besides, we needed someone to research hell."

Then why didn't you guys just stick her in a pop group and make her into a teeniebop. Oh wait. That's my own personal hell.

Well, I guess the story's over then! Everyone go home!

"Hey wait! You're still suppose to explain the significance of Buffy's death and what's going to happen to Dawn now that she's no longer needed in the story line, and what about further character development?! "

Um…well, when Buffy died everyone was sad, and uh…if she didn't come back 90 % of the audience would have started watching Gilmore Girls…and uh…oh please, how much more character development do we need!!! We've got Willow as a lesbian, Xander as a bonafied sidekick, and Spike gets beaten up in ever episode, mainly by Buffy…which I must say he enjoys. All we need now is someone to get pregnant! Oooo, that's it! Let's just have Dawn be pregnant with Buffy, and that'll close up that missing gap and explain why Dawn's still significant in the storyline!

"NO! We will have no teenage pregnancies on my show!"

Yeah, you're right, Joss. It'll be a little freaky having Dawn as Buffy's mom…and then I'd have to explain who's the dad.

"Hey don't worry about it! We'll just construct some freaky plot involving an Angel crossover…throw in some sexual tension…and have the ratings up! It's all here in the contract."

Hey are you sure, Joss?

"Yeah! So stop wasting my time! Hey, what are you staring at! Get back to work Buffy..…uh, I mean…Sarah."

"Man, so this story's really over, huh Dee?"

Yeah, Malia, it's over. We laughed, we cried…we had our little caffeine high…sigh, so many memories, so little time.

"Too bad this story sucked so much! What the heck were you thinking?"

Hey give me a break! I did the best I could at 2 in the morning! You try thinking up a good storyline when half of your brain's on snooze! Okay, whatever! This story is OVER!!! It's OVER!!!


End file.
